James Thurber: Jednorožec v záhrade

James Thurber

Jednorožec v záhrade

V JEDNO slnečné ráno sedel chlapík za stolom nad raňajkami, keď náhodou zdvihol zrak od praženice a zbadal, ako sa v záhrade na ružiach pasie biely jednorožec so zlatým rohom. Chlapík vyšiel hore schodmi do spálne, kde ešte spala jeho manželka, a zobudil ju. „V záhrade je jednorožec,“ oznámil jej. „Žerie nám ruže.“ Otvorila jedno nevľúdne oko a zahľadela sa naňho. „Jednorožec je zviera z mytológie,“ povedala a odvrátila sa mu chrbtom. Chlapík šiel pomaly dolu schodmi a do záhrady. Jednorožec tam stále bol; práve sa prehŕňal tulipánmi. „Tu máš, jednorožec,“ povedal chlapík, vytrhol zo zeme ľaliu a podal mu ju. Jednorožec ju dôstojne zožral. S rozradosteným srdcom – pretože mali v záhrade na návšteve jednorožca – chlapík znova vyšiel hore schodmi a prebudil manželku. „Ten jednorožec zožral ľaliu,“ povedal. Žena sa posadila na posteli a chladne si ho premeriavala. „Si švihnutý,“ povedala, „a fakt ťa už nechám zavrieť medzi štyri gumené steny.“ Chlapík, ktorému nikdy neboli sympatické výrazy „švihnutý“ a „gumené steny“, a ktorému boli ešte nesympatickejšie v rozžiarené ráno s jednorožcom v záhrade, sa na chvíľu zamyslel. „To sa ešte uvidí,“ povedal. Prešiel ku dverám. „Uprostred čela má zlatý roh,“ dodal. Potom šiel späť do záhrady kochať sa jednorožcom, lenže ten medzitým zmizol. Chlapík sa usadil medzi ruže a zaspal.

Len čo muž vyšiel z domu, žena vstala a čo najrýchlejšie sa obliekla. Celá bola rozrušená a v očiach sa jej zlovestne ligotalo. Zavolala na políciu, ale aj psychiatrovi, a požiadala ich, aby sa k nej poponáhľali so zvieracou kazajkou. Keď policajti s psychiatrom prišli, usadili sa do kresiel a s veľkým záujmom sa na ňu zahľadeli. „Môj muž dnes ráno videl jednorožca,“ povedala im. Policajti sa pozreli na psychiatra a psychiater sa pozrel na policajtov. „Vraj zožral ľaliu,“ dodala. Psychiater sa pozrel na policajtov a policajti sa pozreli na psychiatra. „Vraj má uprostred čela zlatý roh,“ spresnila. Na jemný signál od psychiatra policajti vyskočili z kresiel a chopili sa ženy. Nedarilo sa im skrotiť ju, lebo bojovala ako lev, ale nakoniec ju skrotili. Práve jej obliekli zvieraciu kazajku, keď sa do domu vrátil manžel.

„Povedali ste manželke, že ste videli jednorožca?“ spýtal sa policajt. „Jasné, že nie,“ odvetil chlapík. „Jednorožec je zviera z mytológie.“ „Nič viac mi netreba,“ povedal psychiater. „Odveďte ju. Je mi ľúto, pane, ale vašej žene straší vo veži.“ A tak ju odviedli, hoci celý čas nadávala a vrieskala, a zavreli ju do ústavu. Manžel odvtedy nažíval v šťastí, až kým neumrel.

Poučenie: Nekrič hop, kým mu naozaj nepreskočí.

➼ ➼ ➼ ➼ ➼ ➼ ➼

český preklad na porovnanie

➼ ➼ ➼ ➼ ➼ ➼ ➼

The Unicorn in the Garden

ONCE upon a sunny morning a man who sat in a breakfast nook looked up from his scrambled eggs to see a white unicorn with a golden horn quietly cropping the roses in the garden. The man went up to the bedroom where his wife was still asleep and woke her. “There’s a unicorn in the garden,” he said. “Eating roses.” She opened one unfriendly eye and looked at him. “The unicorn is a mythical beast,” she said, and turned her back on him. The man walked slowly downstairs and out into the garden. The unicorn was still there; he was now browsing among the tulips. “Here, unicorn,” said the man, and he pulled up a lily and gave it to him. The unicorn ate it gravely. With a high heart, because there was a unicorn in his garden, the man went upstairs and roused his wife again. “The unicorn,” he said, “ate a lily.” His wife sat up in bed and looked at him, coldly. “You are a booby,” she said, “and I am going to have you put in the booby-hatch.” The man, who had never liked the words “booby” and “booby-hatch,” and who liked them even less on a shining morning when there was a unicorn in the garden, thought for a moment. “We’ll see about that,” he said. He walked over to the door. “He has a golden horn in the middle of his forehead,” he told her. Then he went back to the garden to watch the unicorn; but the unicorn had gone away. The man sat down among the roses and went to sleep.

As soon as the husband had gone out of the house, the wife got up and dressed as fast as she could. She was very excited and there was a gloat in her eye. She telephoned the police and she telephoned a psychiatrist; she told them to hurry to her house and bring a strait-jacket. When the police and the psychiatrist arrived they sat down in chairs and looked at her, with great interest. “My husband,” she said, “saw a unicorn this morning.” The police looked at the psychiatrist and the psychiatrist looked at the police. “He told me it ate a lily,” she said. The psychiatrist looked at the police and the police looked at the psychiatrist. “He told me it had a golden horn in the middle of its forehead,” she said. At a solemn signal from the psychiatrist, the police leaped from their chairs and seized the wife. They had a hard time subduing her, for she put up a terrific struggle, but they finally subdued her. Just as they got her into the strait-jacket, the husband came back into the house. 

“Did you tell your wife you saw a unicorn?” asked the police. “Of course not,” said the husband. “The unicorn is a mythical beast.” “That’s all I wanted to know,” said the psychiatrist. “Take her away. I’m sorry, sir, but your wife is as crazy as a jay bird.” So they took her away, cursing and screaming, and shut her up in an institution. The husband lived happily ever after. 

Moral: Don’t count your boobies until they are hatched.

source